A priest in Louisville was charged with child molestation recently. When he got fingered, he claimed it was his altar-ego.
An acquaintence of mine recently got pregnant and had to have an abortion. So, being the generous guy that I am, I gave her a balloon to celebrate the momentous occasion. She is now mad at me; I believe this has something to do with the fact that the balloon read "Congratulations, it's a boy!" in big block letters on it. In my defense, the balloon store is right down the block from the clinic.
In other news, I recently ordered a ton of specialty groceries/imports online. When they came yesterday, they were delivered in a refrigerator box.
I am the bane of my FedEx driver's existence, and I wouldn't have it any other way.